I turned on my flashlight and lit my face.... now listen to the true and scary story of "THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I EVER MET" 
When I first moved to LA I arranged to temporarily stay in a guest house.
So I arrive and the place is a huge gorgeous mansion!!!!
I follow written notes to the ridiculously extravagant backyard: waterfalls, pools, outdoor kitchens, a Chinese bridge, tiki huts and my gorgeous guest house.
There were real turtles all around the pond having picnics and practically greeting me, "Care for a massage, Marlo?" It was Heaven.
But just then,
Satan arrived.
A tiny man with tiny swim trunks and a tiny brain was standing right in the room and didn't knock first. Both his nipples were pierced and his areolas were the same length of his legs.
In the whiniest voice he shouted, "HEY BABE, I"M SCOTTY YOUR ROOMIE" then he started laughing, like he had just told a joke. "Dude, everyone who meets me loves me and you will too, Holla! I'm a funny and goofy type of guy! I am a model, an actor and a musician and I have my own reality show. Dude, it's hot in here, you should go sit on my bed in my room it's cool in there. Dude, your hair is red, are you single, wanna take a dip in the pool?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????!!!!
My chest ached with fear and disgust as I decided to escape... I said, "well it's nice to meet you but...." then something hideous happened, he pointed to my shirt and said, whats this? then poked me in the face.
At this point I believe my soul left my body.
Scotty then laughed super hard and followed with more slang and oral diarrhea.
All this happened within moments! and as I managed to drive away, he ran after the car screaming, "DON'T LEAVE MARLO, OR I WILL SEND NEGATIVE ENERGY!" I also recieved a series of threatening and insulting text messages and phone calls over the next few months.
I've never met anyone like scotty: He just exists and pretends that he's a real person!!!!!
Ghost Story Theatre
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35 comments:
sounds like a lynch story!!
You shoulda decked him. If he was as annoying as you describe, we would have given you a standing ovation for that. Maybe even start a wave or two.
We've all encountered someone like that in our lives. I went to animation school with one of those and there's one of those at my work right now (although he's very close to being fired).
hahahahahahaha wow, thats entertainment
You discovered immediately that Hollywood's pit has no bottom. If Scotty was your roomie, what the hell did the landlord look like and did it sport cloven hooves?
Wow...
...Scotty..
...Wow...
Oh my, such a disturbing fellow! Maybe he's not human at all and is some space-freek who is trying to blend in with the Cali populace, but read up too much on sterotypical crazy folk!
WHOA.
Gary will crush him like grape!
Sounds like the begining of a beautiful love story. The end? I don't think so. You may have escaped your soulmate temporarily, but don't you worry, fate can't be stopped so easily!
Looking forward to Chapter 2
ha ha ha!!! I love that story...but you forgot the part where he called you a "hoar."
Hey!Sounds like Scotty is just like me! Except for the pierced nipples.
And I'm much sexier too.
I see people like scottie all the time at work, we call them teachers here. *snicker!*
Why didn't you stay? I want to see his and your baby.
This guy does need a reality show.
hahahhaha love the areola leg comparison.
Like bill said, you shouldve stayed because people's heart always contradicts their outward manifestation. Scottie might be your dream guy.
I like it when you tell stories.
Was Scotty actually the guy from your Unbangable 101 diagram from a few months back?
LOL! That's hilarious! Well, there's always a beast guarding the gates of paradise!
Katie: hahahah i forgot about that! he sent me a text message: you a hoar! I also forgot that he handed me a modeling tear sheet, which included his HEIGHT which CLAIMED to be 5' 7" which is my height! and i could see the top of his head!
Bill Wray, HE was the size of a baby!
Trevour: I would take my unbangable guy in any which way over scotty!
Eddie: I am trying to think of all the things that represent beast before the paradise.
What a bizarre story. Really sounds like something from David Lynch movies. Have you ever tried to draw this... creature?? He (or "it"?) deserves to get the nastiest Marlo treatment.
>> "DON'T LEAVE MARLO, OR I WILL SEND NEGATIVE ENERGY!" <<
Absolutely hilarious!
I was trying to sketch this out but I don't know if i'll get around to finishing it as i've been busy procastinating at work. It's a start anyway...Great story.
http://masculineforest.blogspot.com
He'd have to send you a shite load of negative energy to out do the mirth generated from this story. When will we see him drawn as he is?
-Shorty
So what your saying is that there is this awesome room for rent, with a super-cool room-mate, and its still available? (Door slamming, sound of feet running toward L.A.)
Scotty reminds me of one of my drawings. Just showing it cause the arms I drew kinda look like areolas. Weird!! He is even proportioned like Scotty...creepy.
http://flickr.com/photos/ederia/218748976/
Great blog btw.
That was a great, creepy, true story Marlo which made me think, maybe thats a sorta "right of passage" when moving to the L.A. area. We had a very similar experience when we moved out to Hollywood in the late 80's. We were staying at a "Bed and Breakfast" which turned out to be some foreign guy's house on Plymouth ave. Well for the first 3 nights there some wino kept beating on the door yelling "Is this my rooooooom?" No lie, coulda been a relative of Scotty!
Just get him to say his name backwards like "Mister Mxyzptlk" and he'll go back to the 5th dimension.
Now that's entertainment! Freaky!
It was Scott Baio, wasn't it?
You can tell me.
He sounds like a huge fag, I bet you could hvae taken him!
Ah your mean, Scotty seemed kind of nice. Maybe you should go round there and say sorry, Perhaps make him somthing like a ginger bread lady.
Ah your mean, Scotty seem's kind of nice. You should go round and say sorry, Maybe bake him somthing like a ginger bread lady!
Holy cow, that's a crazy story! And you lived to tell it!
Toe-curlingly funny!
I LIKE SILVER DOLLAR NIPZ. I LOVE THAT STORY.
sounds like he just wants to be liked. Please draw him. Please.
After reading your story I heard a shout outside. I looked to see a ranting pre-sapien with a bag full of crisps and junk food from the corner store downstairs. He got into his van, took several bags of crisps and Haribo and whatnot out of his plastic bag and threw it all on the dash, then opened his window and discarded the empty bag into the gutter. And off he went with a face full of Pork Scratchins. Dickhead.
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